We’ve all heard the stories of demanding brides and their beleaguered bridesmaids. When someone agrees to be a bridesmaid there can be a lot of hidden costs- both in time and in money. One bride recently took it on herself to fully explain these details to her potential bridesmaids in “proposal” packages that included gifts. The woman behind the Lisa Loves Random TikTok channel shared what she is calling a transparency letter to the friends she thought of to be her bridesmaids. The letters included the financial responsibilities as well as some of the time commitments that would be required with the position.
She explained that she wishes someone would have told her about these obligations when she had been a bridesmaid for someone else’s wedding since she wasn’t aware of the costs up front.
She was clear with what she expected from the brides and gave exceptions for outstanding circumstances. Bridesmaids are to pay for the own dresses, but they can be any design as long as they are within the color scheme. Bridesmaids more than an hour away are not required to do most of the pre-wedding activities like the bridal shower or wedding dress shopping. The bride is to pay for the hair and makeup to be done professionally.
The potential attendants were then told in the letter that if they didn’t feel up to the requirements that they could say “no” and still remain friends. This issue can become a wedge in the friendship if someone has to drop out just before the wedding, so perhaps more brides should consider this approach.
She called the letters proposals and included some gifts with the letters that her friends were free to keep regardless of if they agreed to be in the wedding or not. She said that one friend chose not to become a bridesmaid and that they are still close pals. We have to imagine that all this communication up front made it simpler to say “no” and truly feel that a good decision was being made. After all who wants reluctant bridesmaids?