Frustrated Mom Shares The Truth About “Daddy Privilege”
If you don’t have kids, you might not be up to date on all the different facets of what it means to be a parent. However, thanks to certain social media platforms, such as TikTok, we’re able to get a glimpse into the world of parenting that we might not otherwise have been privy to.
Granted, most of the parenting videos you see on social media are hilarious renditions of life as a parent, but every so often, you find one that really makes you think about certain important topics/issues.
Thanks to one TikTok creator, Chloe Sexton, a new trending term, “daddy privilege,” is being brought to the spotlight in the parenting world. Even though it’s been around for a while, it is finally getting the attention it deserves as it can be a bit of an issue as Chloe pointed out in her video.
Chloe is a mom to both 6-month-old and a 7-year-old. In addition to being a mom, she’s also the owner of BluffCakes, a bakery in Memphis, Tennessee. She admitted that doing both roles justice can be an exhausting task at times. But, she always takes it in stride – and with a baby strapped to her chest. That is actually what prompted her TikTok storytime, where she decided to share a particular experience that irked her a bit.
As she explained to her viewers, she is usually always bringing her kids everywhere. However, she pointed out that when her husband goes out and has the baby in tow, he’s given the royal treatment and fussed over for his spending time with his kids. This is a stark contrast to how she is treated, especially since Chloe is doing the same exact things as her husband. That is when she decided to make a TikTok video expressing her frustrations, and the clip went on to get more than 5 million views as well as close to 20K comments.
Check it out:
@chloebluffcakes It’s the daddy hero treatment for me 🙃
In her video, Sexton explains in full: “I’ve got a fun little story about ‘daddy privilege’….my bakery requires that we buy certain wholesale ingredients at this place called Restaurant Depot every week. You’ve seen me do videos of it before where I’m wearing him or was massively pregnant buying 400 pounds of flour and 100 pounds of butter, and that’s a weekly thing. The list goes on and on — like it’s a lot. So, last week, on the day I usually do it, my husband had the day off and he decided to go do it for me, but he also had the baby that day. When I tell you, the way that this man was treated like a hero — A HERO. Mind you, those same people see me there every single week … But my husband, my husband wears the baby and he goes to Restaurant Depot for mommy’s business and it’s, ‘Oh my god, look at you! Oh my god, you work so hard.’ He [my husband] said, ‘Honestly, it was a little bit embarrassing’ … He’s literally not a hero. He’s just a father, just a parent, doing the same [expletive] I do every week.”
Once she posted this TikTok, it was only a matter of time before it began gaining a lot of attention from all different people. Most were women who shared their own personal experiences with similar situations. One mom even explained that when she has noted a considerable difference in treatment between her and her husband when traveling with kids.
One gender bias expert, Amy Diehl, Ph.D., reshaped the video and summed up the phenomenon on Twitter with her phrasing, “Daddy privilege: When men get praise and are treated as a hero for simply being a parent. Literally doing the same work women do day in and day out with little to no acknowledgement.”
There were also many who commented how it is often seen as a big deal or break for the mom when a dad steps in and cares for the kids instead seeing it as doing their half of the parenting. But it wasn’t just moms who were commenting on the post as well.
One dad, @PaulRileySparta, wrote, “This used to happen to me all every time when my girls were babies and I would take them on a walk in a stroller and/or strapped in my front carrier around center city Philadelphia. For a while I let it go to my head, but then I started getting resentful.”
But as frustrating as it might be to some dads, some moms did bring up a good point. It’s not just unnecessary comments, it’s a means of reinforcing archaic gender role expectations. And it is these gender role expectations that can go on to cause problems within society such as having an impact on family leave policies, pay gaps according to gender, etc.
As a result, many experts believe that “daddy privilege” is an outdated notion that needs to go. It creates a sense of inequality that can be damaging to our modern society. Because of this, many experts say we should start normalizing the expectation that men can care for and take an active role in parenting just as much as women – and that they don’t get extra praise for doing a totally normal task.
As Chloe stated to Buzzfeed, “Women carry equal and, in some cases, majority breadwinner weight these days and still are deemed less worthy of parental praise somehow. I am a feminist to my core and will always fight for what is equal and just — today that means giving EVERY parent the same amount of attention. Every parent deserves to know that they are seen and appreciated.”