When we are young, we are taught to try our best to control our anger. We are told that this is an emotion that should not be expressed in public.
In addition to telling children that anger is an emotion that they need to control, they are taught that anger can often serve as a secondary emotion.
While this may be true, it can be hard to explain this to a child who is already upset. It is hard to put anger to the side and deal with the underlying cause during a pressure situation.
Parents who are looking for a way to calm their little ones down, while allowing them to get to the root cause of their anger, are sure to love this mother’s helpful tip. Destini Ann is a TikToker, mother, and emerging parenting coach. She has managed to land on a phrase that acknowledges the child’s anger while giving them the chance to work towards resolving it.
“I found a phrase that helps my daughter to express her anger,” Destini Ann says at the beginning of her TikTok video (which has since received nearly 5 million views). “I still want to teach her that anger is not a bad thing,” she said. Like many parents, she spends a lot of time reflecting on her own upbringing.
“I learned that anger is bad, OK? So I was the bad kid, and the problem teen, and then I became the angry black woman. We not doing that narrative, OK?” she says. That’s why she does not use her daughter’s anger as a reason not to keep the lines of communication open.
The key phrase that Destini uses is a very simple one to remember. “What is your anger trying to tell you?” she asks her daughter when her child is mad. She explained in the TikTok, “What I’m trying to teach her is our anger is a signal that something is off, something does not feel right, a boundary is being crossed, a need is not being met.”
If you would like to learn more about her parenting strategies, please be sure to check out this awesome video:
@destini.ann Oh you big mad?!?!